The great Australian life..

Okay...I am finally coming to term with the departure of my two friends to the promise land;Australia (well Singapore was already packed so they had no other choice…).

In my opinion, them going there is for the best after all.

It is the best location for pursuing tertiary education according to some reliable source.

I had no choice but to agree after listening to a shit load of great stuff being said about the land of golden opportunities.

Well here are among the more encouraging ones...

1.. Australia is the second home for Asian...what with the abundance of Chinese there (well there is enough of them there to get them a representative in congress).

a. Remember this face (a Sabahan born Australian senator >> kakilang ar...). You need to know who to look for help in case you get deported by the authority to Maldives for faking your information when applying for your student visa.

Penny Wong

b..This is a picture from a graduation ceremony in a certain Australian university. See I ain’t lying, damn lot Chinaman/woman. Wish all of you luck convincing your future employer regarding that piece of paper (which you conveniently call a degree) that you are holding isn’t some made-in-china product.

nah..your hia ti's and chi mui's..Xd

2.. You get your four seasons (spring. summer, autumn and winter) unlike in Malaysia where you only got 2 ("fuckin hot today" and "cheebai raining again").


3.. You get to escape the humid weather in Malaysia (in Australia, its dry enough to make camels feel at home…)


4. . You get tearful goodbyes at ( insert name of airport of your choice ) from family and friends who had to take a bloody long drive there so they can spend a few lousy minutes with you before seeing you walking happily towards the fucking airplane for departure to the promise land.


5. . You will learn to become independent ( shitloads of example here)

a. House hunting is bloody fun if you are into getting rip off by the locals (paying Aussie$150 per WEEK per room is madness…I wonder if it includes the electric, water, gas and internet bills?)

b. Shopping for groceries or getting your daily supply of necessities (have fun forking out money for your daily shot of caffeine)

c. Learning to do your own laundry (for you laundry virgins… no, the red thong don’t go into the washing machine with your white t-shirt, also please remember that laundry detergent is not the same as shampoo - only the former should go into the washing machine…)

d. Learning to cook for yourself if you have been spoon fed by your parents all this while (that’s if your house is still standing after your first attempt at it or if the local fire department hasn’t put your name in their most possible arsonist list).

say no to arson!!

6.. Talking about food, you will finally be able to abstain from all those high in calories and fat dishes like cantonese style fried mee, hokkien fried mee in black sauce, asam laksa, magi goreng, tom yam, roti canai, tosai, roti bom, roti planta, roti jala, bak kua, bak kut teh, dim sum, nasi lemak, ais kacang, cendol, prawn mee, curry mee, wan tan mee, beef ball noodles, chow kuey tiew, yong tau fu, nasi ayam, nasi goreng pattaya, …oops, don’t want anyone to get dehydrated from heavy lost of saliva now do we…(well even if you do find a restaurant serving authentic dishes with just the right taste, its gonna cost you an arm and probably two legs…have fun being an amputee…Xd)

7..Then there is the semester break to look forward to if you like beaches.

a. For girls to check out cute surfer dudes with toned rock hard abs (which unfortunately is unavailable in Malaysia according to some people… =.=)

b. For guys to hook up with sexy local girls in skimpy bikinis (well the remaining 53% of the female population that is not obese anyway according to the survey 7 years ago at http://www.annecollins.com/weight_health/obesity-australia. …good luck finding one to satisfied your need, suckers…relax, your girlfriend back here in Malaysia won’t know. Besides they are totally in good hands…Xd)

p.s. the same goes for the fairer sex reading this; there are only 37% of un-obese guys left for you to check out. Taking into factor that the survey is of overall population (little kids and grandpas included). Not much choice left is there? (unless you are into little kids like someone I know).


8.. Getting pissed and high with the locals. (have fun drinking your guts out and smoking pot till you drop…I’m sure your parents didn’t forget to give you your booze and weed allowance)

9..Chatting up random local dudes at train station and getting that warm fuzzy feeling when promoting Malaysia as a tourist spot to them (if it was so great in the first place, why leave?) at the same time giving a helping hand to the understaffed Malaysian Tourism Board.


10. . Obtaining that little slip of paper you call a degree, handed over to you by their almighty university which is totally recognizable anywhere if you are looking for a job in customer relationship (in 7-11) or taking sample of body fluid (poop, urine, blood…whatever, its all the same) at the local zoo (you even need a degree to qualify for this job? – well the animals will feel more comfortable knowing that you are certified to stick them with that bloody long/thick needle…).

So there you have it. The perk of migrating your ass to Australia. And once you get there, stay there. Don’t ever come back. Who needs you guys anyway? The world is so peaceful when you’re gone. People can finally breathe for once (and hit on your sister/girlfriend/mom? ...).

Okay then, Mr. Green Eyes have gotten almost everything off his chest…for now.